Childcare in the pandemic; a struggle or an opportunity?
Saw a headline recently – Parents of under-fives ‘struggle’ to find balance – a struggle which has become more stressful during the pandemic because of the lack of daycare. This is understandable, but countering this, there have been reports of young children becoming less stressed and happier, because, instead of daycare, they have had ‘parent care’ in their own homes. The media always report on the stressful struggle of the adults in their attempts to juggle work and children, never on the effect of this juggling on the children, and its effect on their development.
Research from all over the world confirms that small children, particularly the under-threes, thrive best when they are with the loving, consistent presence of someone who loves them and understands them, having established the deep bond which creates trust, confidence and self-esteem.
This bond begins right at the beginning – through eye-contact, smiles, laughter, gentle touching, talking and getting to know the baby, so that the parent (or other permanent loving carer) responds to the needs, the feelings of the baby – the foundations of responsive relationships.
Without this, the development of the brain is harmed, even to the point of being unable to feel for other people – unable to empathise – because that part of the brain has not developed. When, for example, someone appears in court on a charge of a seriously cruel attack, the perpetrator is often reported as ‘showing no remorse’; they are unable to do this because they have no concept of another person’s point of view and cannot understand how another person is feeling. (For explanations of how the absence of appropriate loving care in early childhood affects different parts of the brain, see the summaries of Scientific papers on the website of What About The Children? www.whataboutthechildren.org.uk).
Everyday observation is a valuable form of personal research; for example, when out and about, observe the interaction between carers and children, and note if the parent/carer is talking to the child, explaining what they’re doing, pointing things out, asking questions; is the child looking happily involved? … or is the child being ignored, only spoken to with a criticism; is that child enjoying a positive relationship? Similarly, in a park, the smiling child on a swing will invariably be in conversation with the ‘pusher’ of the swing; whereas, if the ‘pusher’ is not taking any notice, maybe on his or her mobile, is that child feeling valued?
Society must ask why so many children and young people have poor mental health, find it difficult to make lasting relationships and suffer low self-esteem; why are suicide rates rising among the young; why is bullying and general insensitivity to other children so common? Stressed parents struggling to balance work and the normal, in-built demands of their young children need help to establish that essential loving bond. Money spent, and attention paid, in those early years would save enormous sums trying to pick up the pieces later. Should parents be given the choice to keep the money spent on outside care for their children and look after their small children at home? Should there be more health visitors and Sure Start provision? Should flexible hours be a respected choice for working parents? Should there be more education about brain development and acknowledgement of the vital role parents/carers play in those early years? We need answers and a determination to make childhood the foundation of a balanced life and a stable society.
Jane Reddish